The Old Goat
Ezekiel Saw A Goat Way Up In The Middle Of The Sky

Hiya Goatsters,

There is this company started out of MIT, Altaeros Energies, that is making blimp mounted wind turbines. If you float the turbine up high enough it captures more consistent and stronger winds than ground mounted wind mills. They call it “The Bat”. The thing looks awesome.

I emailed to see if they had a small one good for homes and businesses, thinking maybe I could get in on the ground floor as a dealer and strike it rich.

They said no. I imagine that it’s because the FAA wouldn’t like it if everyone had a 150 pound tethered power balloon floating over their house at 3000 feet which could make it tough for more important things like flying executives and government spy drones around

What if the tether broke. Or what if people who owned them smoked too much pot and one day looked up and thought that their “Bat” looked sad because it was tied up and so they just let them go free like a kid might with a balloon she got at a birthday party.

Fly away “Bat”, fly away.

Maybe some smart entrepreneur would get the idea that it would be great to hang advertising banners off the same tethers at a hundred feet or so. There could be banners all over the place flapping in the breeze and that would make local sign ordinances come into play or maybe the billboard companies would get some lobbyists involved to get laws written to regulate-out that opportunity.

And of course the mountain top wind energy guys and the offshore wind energy guys or the Pigeon Appreciation Society would start hiring proxies to create backlash over “Bat” noise or bird deaths.

Then some wealthy people wouldn’t like the way it looked from their house seeing all those “Bats” up there so they would lawyer up and get after it too.

Ya, I guess it was just a sucky idea…. and I won’t be quitting my day job at The Goat, which is where I will be Thursday night for Open Mic with Albert Lord, and Friday night for Robby Simpson and his great music, and Saturday night too for yet another English Pop Invasion with John Hasnip.

See you at The Goat,

Scottster

PS. The Old Goat Summer Cornhole Kick Off Tournament will be Sunday May 18th at 1 PM and Prizes are to be had!

The Goat; Now Offering Pre-K Services

Hiya Goatsters,

A woman called a week or two ago and asked if we, “are kid friendly?” I said, ” ‘Friendly’, is kind of a strong word. Tolerant, we’re more just kid tolerant”.

The nice weather today made me think that April vacation is coming up and so there will be a lot of kids around.

Once, I made a family irate by telling their five year old that she couldn’t play on our piano and a grandmotherly customer who was also present at the moment called me a “big meanie”.

The family thought all that racket was cute…… Damn that mean Old Goat!

After that I put a little sign up to say, “No kids allowed on this piano”. Little kids still went on it because, you know, they can’t read. So I took the sign down and now I get to enjoy the look of displeasure on parents’ faces whenever I tell their kids to knock it off.

At least once a week I have to tell kids not to run around too. The families just sit there and let them do it. Sometimes the kids are bare foot. No chance of stepping on a sliver, none, our floor is so clean you could eat off it.

Probably somebody else’s kid broke the glass.

I suppose I could ask the parents to make their children stop. But I’d rather scare the crap out of the kids by scolding them with my crotchety old man voice and evil snarl. This makes a better point. Sometimes they don’t come back. They have nightmares… I’m a regular Goaty Krueger

Another time a dad took his kids upstairs and was running around with them. Didn’t ask to go up there, just went up and held Gymboree.

A few times I’ve told women with screaming babies to go outside. I usually don’t say anything for the first two minutes or so, then I lay down the law. Enough is enough.

Breast feeding is okay though. Whip ‘em out.

We have a highchair we keep upstairs. I never offer it. When people ask, my answer as to whether or not we have one depends on the situation…. You gonna breast feed?

Really though, kids are fine at The Goat. Fine, I mean it.

Every so often I get a parent who calls trying to get me to book their older kids to play music, like they are some agent for a child prodigy. My answer is always the same; “how many 21 year old friends does she have who are going to come in and drink a lot of beer? Parents and grandparents sipping a Pepsi don’t count. Here’s an idea. I’ll rent you the upstairs and you can put on a show and charge admission and keep the proceeds for your Little Lord Fauntleroy there.”

Speaking of Lords; Albert Lord is no kid, it would be nice if he had a few more friends who drank beer, but he does have some. Albert is back this Thursday hosting Open Mic which is always a good time.

Friday night we have Margot Frost and Earl Bigelow of Cilantro for some great music and Saturday we are TBD because of a cancellation…. we will have somebody though.

See you at The Goat,

Uncle Scottster

Austin 2 Old Goat 0

Hiya Goatsters,

Ryan Wimbish will have his last show at The Old Goat this Thursday night. He has been promising to go back to Texas for months now and I guess this time he is really going to go.

For the last two years Ryan has been a steady almost weekly music feature for us. He has always put on a lively fun show and he introduced most of us to the great style of music known as Texas Country by covering the songs of Stoney LaRue, Reckless Kelly, Hayes Carll, Ryan Bingham, Lucero, The Turnpike Troubadours, and others as well as by playing his own neat originals.

He has also been a nearly daily regular at the bar and is a co-founder of the Goat’s Drunk Monday program.

But Thursday is it, as with all things the Ryan era at The Goat has come to an end. And while he is leaving behind his good friends Zack, Beesh, Sam. Nate, and Dr. Love, he is sadly taking his buxom beauty, Cheryl, with him and this is a real tragedy since it is not like the Old Goat has such a surplus of hot chicks hanging around that we can afford to lose one to the Lone Star State.

So if you are a fan of Ryan’s music or if you haven’t seen him play yet you really need to get to The Goat this Thursday for your last chance. We’re also bringing in Robby Simpson to help make the night even bigger so that Ryan can take time to mingle a bit during the show and there will be no lull in the musical action.

It should be a special night… one I’m sure we’ll all be talking about on the next D.M so come join us at 8 PM for a grand send off

Friday night blues pianist and singer Neil Jordan makes his Old Goat debut. This guy will rock the place, I guarantee it. Saturday night Jeff Noel and what ever version of Acoustic Chi he decides on will be on duty at the mic.

See you at The Goat

Scottster

Greener Grass at The Goat

Hiya Goatsters,

You may recall that we were supposed to have held our Reggae Fest back in February. It didn’t happen because of a blizzard.

A lot of stuff hasn’t happened this winter because of the weather. Good moods haven’t happened.

In fact, bad moods seem to be reaching an apogee right now. People have left an unprecedented three nasty messages in just this one past week on the backs of credit card slips.

One simply said, “Asshole!”

The next said, “You should tip me, you’re and asshole”. Which doesn’t make sense… why would I tip him if I’m an asshole.

The third one was delivered to Shelby and it read, “I try to tip you a little more because you work for a douch bag”… (douch? that was the writer’s misspelling, not mine). Oddly enough, the he didn’t leave a good tip, just a miserly 9%.

Poor Shelby, in addition to having to work for me she gets to wait on the old cheap bitter ones.

It really is just the weather though. In another 90 days people will be delightful for a month or two and leave little smiley faces and their phone numbers on their slips.

But because we might not be able to wait that long for those warm weather inspired positive mood swings, we’ve rescheduled The Old Goat Reggae fest for this Friday March 28th, so we can at least pretend to be somewhere hot and sunny.

Stream Reggae, Maine’s best and most Jamaican Reggae band will be live and swaying the house with a show that starts at 9:30 and we’ll be serving up cold Red Stripes and a special Jerked Turkey panini for the rest of the week to mark the event.

Thursday night Albert Lord is back with Open Mic and Saturday evening we’ll be revisited by the yeoman from Yoeville, John Hasnip.

See you at The Goat,

Scottster

PS. I would like to remind you that, while Friday evening will indeed be an authentic islands experience, marijuana use on Old Goat property is discouraged.

On Goat Classification

Hiya Goatsters,

It is no secret that The Goat has become a popular hang out for those East Richmond residents who prefer to be known as Dresdenites or Dresdenians or anything in fact as long as you aren’t mistaking them for their cousins, those common Richmond folk who live on the wrong side of the river.

If you are not quite sure who is a Dresdileño and who is not, don’t fret I have compiled the following list of markers to make it easier for you to spot them;

1. They are most likely over 50… well over 50. Just about all of the young ones crossed the bridge permanently and became Richmondish.

2. For security they travel in herds of no less than twelve.

3. They are never out after 8:30 PM.

4. Even though they are mostly retired, Dresdeners still think Friday is the only night of the week to go out.

5. They know JoJo’s real name is Joel and while they have heard him play the same four songs on the piano seven hundred times they still clap when for him when he’s done… or maybe they clap because he is done… one of the two.

6. They pretend to like the wine Mike Fraumeni makes.

7. They are white. The existence of a black Dresdenican has never been officially confirmed.

8. They tolerate Peter Walsh.

9. They are the only people on earth crazy enough to make Alan Moeller an elected official.

10. And unlike anyone else, they don’t try to avoid Ryan Cote when they see him coming.

Anyway, I hope that this chart will be of help to you in sorting out Goatsters.

And have no fear, despite the repeated appeals of our Dresden friends we are not be moving the start time of our musical shows back to 7 PM in order to accommodate their bed times. So, our musical guest Robby Simpson will start at 8 on Thursday and at 9 on Saturday Justin Walton will take the stage.

Friday night, young sensation Lauren Crosby makes her singing debut at The Goat. This 19 year old is going places with an earth bluesy voice that reminds me of Janice Joplin and Lucinda Williams. It’s a show you really shouldn’t miss. Sorry Dresden, this show also starts at 9.

See you at The Goat… I mean the Dresden Social Club,

Scottster

PS. Chef Deanna will be in the house again this Thursday with another great selection of her wonderful deserts

PSS Mark your calenders! Friday March 28, Stream Reggae invades The Goat!

Hello, Old Goat Speaking

Hiya Goatsters,

A man actually took the time to call me last Friday evening after his party had finished and left. He wanted to tell me how rude he thought I was. I won’t burden you with the details of the event but I will tell that I responded by saying, “I thought you were rude and it’s a two way street”. He then told me that he wouldn’t be coming back and I told him I didn’t want him coming back.

I could hear him still squawking excitedly as I hung up the phone which was impressive because the band was really cranking at the time.

Frankly, I don’t understand why he would bother to call anyway. Whatever the circumstances of our clash, why would he call. Did he think he was some how going to improve me. Was he looking for an apology. Maybe he thought he’d get a gift card out of it.

And if he wasn’t going to come back, why waste the energy to tell me about it. It wasn’t really news, I had that figured out already when he left… his face was beet red. And it’s not like I expected this guy to come in in the first place, he was from Rockland, what was he doing all the way over here.

I have had customers who have come in for years and loved the place and then moved away. Maybe they came in 50 times and they don’t even call to tell me that they aren’t coming back, but this one-timer from Rockland just had to.

He didn’t tip very well either.

Shelby took a phone call on my day off last week. It was from some guy in Iowa who is planning on a visit to Maine this summer. He had seen some negative reviews about us on Trip Advisor and asked if we were really that sort of place. She said, “You’ll have to see for yourself”.

Somebody else called to order a pizza over the phone on Saturday night, when I told him that we didn’t take phone orders on Friday or Saturday he responded with, “Seriously?”. I echoed, “Seriously”, back to him. Then he said, “Well, you’ve lost my business” and hung up.

So sorry to hear that.

Then yet another person called and asked, “Are JC and The Pickups truly going to be playing at The Goat this Saturday night?”.

And I answered emphatically, “YES, JC & THE PICKUPS are LIVE this Saturday night and the SHOW starts at 9 O’clock!!!”

"What about Ryan Wimbish," the caller asked.

"RYAN is LIVE on Friday", I shouted into the receiver..

"And is there still Open Mic on Thursday?", he continued.

So I hollered, “YES, there is Open Mic this Thursday and its HOSTED by ALBERT LORD.”

In case you get the urge, please do not call regarding St. Patrick’s Day. Yes, it is on Monday. Yes, we are open — really, a lady phoned to ask, “Are you open for St. Patrick’s Day?”

Maybe she was from Rockland and didn’t want to make the drive needlessly.

We are always open on Monday. Come to think of it, we always drink on Monday. Only on this coming Monday we’ll be drinking Guinness.

We’ll probably have that special panini we do on St. Patrick’s Day… The Happy Fat St. Pat; Corned beef piled high and topped with garlic mashed potatoes, carrots and cabbage boiled in vinegar, all on pumpernickel rye bread slathered with Dijon mustard and finished with Cheddar cheese.

No changes allowed. Good luck with phone orders.

See you at The Goat,

Scottster

So Many Goat Things To Do

Hiya Goatsters,

The Maine Facial Hair Club is meeting upstairs on Friday evening, and MALT, the Maine Ale brewers club, is meeting there on Saturday afternoon.

But upstairs Sunday is the Arcade Showdown Tournament. The tournament starts around noon and is open to anyone with a passable knowledge of the old Atari games Space Invaders, Donkey Kong, Dig Dug, Frogger, and Pac Man. Players will compete in each game to accumulate the highest total score and a chance to win the $50 first prize.

I know, I know, it’s like we’ve nailed a perfect nerd trifecta for this weekend…. and people wonder why there aren’t more women at The Goat.

Wednesday evening starting at 7:30 (tonight even) Rick St. Peter hosts the weekly cribbage tournament with the $25 first prize. There is no cost to enter.

Once again Thursday is dessert night (that’ll bring in the ladies). Chef Deanna Hernandez will be offering up chocolate cake with a lemon plum compote, vanilla bean pannacotta, and brown butter apple tarts.

Weekend music features are; Robby Simpson at 9 PM on Friday and RUCKUS plays Saturday also at 9 PM. Those are two really big shows, I’m tellin’ ya.

The quest for a second Old Goat location took me to Lubec, Maine yesterday. That’s a long friggin drive but it offers plenty of potential if you are into complete financial disasters.
The most noteworthy thing about the trip was the pair of shiny hearses parked, as if on display, in front of the Machias Home Health Service office. That’s some health service right there.

See you at The Goat,

Scottster

An After Dinner Goat

Hiya Goatsters,

When we first opened The old Old Goat across the street we offered desserts. It was stuff like frozen mud pie and cheese cake. I wasn’t making them myself so there wasn’t much profit margin to be had.

People liked the desserts but they would say things like, “it’s good but I make a better cheese cake, you should buy from me”. Then even though they weren’t in the food business, they would come in the following Tuesday and corner me with a sample.

One guy brought in a Guinness and Blueberry Cheese Cake. It was tasty but he wanted $48 for it. I was going to have to sell it for $11 a slice to make any money off it.

And people always wanted coffee with dessert. So that was the end of that.

We gave dessert another try when we opened up The new Old Goat. That time we went the minimalist route; a small plate consisting of a square of rich dark chocolate, salted almonds, and dried apricots with a glass of port.

In four months we sold six desserts. The staff ate all the chocolate and I’m still drinking what’s left of the case of Port five years later.

Personally, I’m not much of a dessert eater. I’ll usually just have another beer or so after dinner. And frankly, if people are going to come in and hang around after they eat I would prefer them to drink another beer or two also. But I’ve been talked into giving dessert one more try, so we’re having a go at it in a limited, lots of rules, Old Goat sort of way.

This time around, accomplished chef, Deanna Hernandez, will be presenting a tray featuring a variety of exquiste treats. This week she’s offering a flowerless chocolate cake, a bread pudding, and a beautiful vanilla custard.

I’ve had Deanna’s desserts. They are amazing.

Now about those rules, so far I have ten…….

1. Thursday nights only. For now.

2. Trial basis… we’ll see how it goes. The plug could be pulled at any time.

3. No coffee.

4. Yes Port.

5. I will not be taking suggestions.

6. Stay around after dessert, drink beer and listen to Ryan Wimbish since it’s Thursday and he’s performing.

7. Come back on Friday even though there is no dessert because Nikki Hunt is live and she’s as delicious as any treat.

8. Repeat the process Saturday since Jeff Noel and who ever he brings are playing and that’s always a good thing.

9. Don’t forget that Cribbage Tournaments are every Wednesday evening with host Rick St. Peter. There is no cost to enter and there is a $25 first prize.

10. See you at The Goat,

Scottster

No Goat No Cry

Hiya Goatsters,

Four or five years ago some guy sent me a short series of death threats over the telephone because I had shut him off at the pub. He said I embarrassed him.

Several weeks later he came in and wanted to be served like a normal customer. Hmmmm…. nope.

Last week or maybe the week before I shut off some other guy who then grumbled about coming across the bar and smacking me. So I kicked him out. I said, “see you later”. He said, “I wont be back”. I said, “Well, it’s goodbye then”.

Maybe that didn’t sit well with him. I just got word from a reliable source that this one is now stalking me around closing time, so that when I leave, he can run me off the road with his car.

And we all know the troubles I have already driving home. Apparently, he knows my weak spots. Clever bastard must have read Sun Tzu.

From what I am told, he waited until 2:30 AM last Saturday in the parking lot across the street to ambush me. Sadly, I was having a late night after hours meeting with two friends and wound up sleeping on the couch upstairs. I can imagine his frustration.

Some people take getting shut off way too personally. Really guys, it’s no big deal. Just go away, don’t make a scene, and you can come back tomorrow if you want.

I promise, I will have more beer.

It’s too bad these guys won’t be in this weekend… really, my heart is broken for them. After all we have Stream Reggae this Saturday night at 9:00. The chill message of love, tolerance, and cannabis, would really help these fellows with their anger management issues.

Frankly, the chill message could help all of us so come on down for the show and sway the night away while you celebrate the “One Love”, mon.

Thursday night we have Albert Lord’s Open Mic. Friday we have Ryan Wimbish.

Wednesday is the last Qualifying Cribbage Tournament with a $25 first prize… if you’re interested in playing in the finals next week for a chance to win the big $75 grand prize you really should come in this Wednesday at 7:30… it’ll be fun and exciting… and it doesn’t cost a thing to enter.

See you at The Goat,

Scottster

There’s Snow Goat Like The Old Goat

Hiya Goatsters,

I think we’ll open today. Maybe a little later than usual, since it could take me a while to get there. I’ll probably go off the road a couple times — no big deal, that happens to me when it’s not snowing too. And it’s worth the risk, business is pretty good on snow days, no one has anything to do besides read or drink.

And a lot of people I know prefer drinking to reading.

I know some people who pretend to be able to do both. They bring in a book and sit there at the bar with the pages open and I never see a page turn. Then there are those who sit at the tables with their books and a pint glass. It takes them hours to finish their beer.

Sorry, that’s not really drinking, that’s loitering.

You can drink and do crosswords at the bar, it becomes a social thing. Everyone gets in on it. People only do crosswords at the bar because they suck at crosswords and they need help… it’s always the easy puzzles too, The KJ or the Times Record.

I’ve only seen two people in 9 years doing the New York Times Crossword at The Goat. Those are very challenging. One was Jay Robbins. He’s a smart man, one of the more erudite Goatsters. He couldn’t finish it. While there is no shame in being humbled by the New York Times crossword, you still don’t want it to happen in public…. so you have to roll it up and bring it out with you when you leave to make people think that you’re going to finish it later.

The other person was me. I couldn’t do it either. So I don’t try them anymore.

I also don’t play chess anymore at the bar…. not since I lost to Alex Golubow three times in a row a couple years ago. I hire him to walk my dog. Now there’s a comeuppance for you. Damn pet sitter spanking me at chess in front of a bar full of my regulars… like they need more material to bust my nuts with.

Back to my initial point; We are open today. We have to, no stopping it. The 4th installment of our Cribbage Tournament is tonight. There’s a $25 first prize at stake and no cost to enter and the snowing should be over by the 7:30 start time. Besides Rick is working and he missed last week.

Of course, I haven’t left my driveway yet so we will see what happens… you might want to check back for further updates.

Music this week; Thursday is Open Mic with Albert Lord. Friday is Robby Simpson. Saturday is Ryan Wimbish.

See you at The Goat… bring a book.

Scottster