Something about Summer time makes people want to go out in big packs especially later in the season.
I have discovered that a universal law applies to this phenomena; The number of large parties coming to The Old Goat is inversely proportional to the number of Summer days remaining.
Nine, ten, twelve, or fifteen people dining out all together makes no sense to me personally. It’s not like you could actually have a conversation with each of them over the course of a meal that might last an hour.
A universal law comes into play in this situation as well; The larger the group you are out with, the fewer members of that group you actually talk to.
Still, they come. They come without warning. They come at odd times. They seem to sense when we only have one person working in our tiny kitchen and they come. Or they come when every seat in the house is full.
I had a party of twenty try to walk in for dinner during Richmond Days.
You guessed it, there’s an applicable universal law: No matter when a large party shows up, it is not a convenient time for it to do so.
They come by boat or car or on motorcycles and their good time becomes our kitchen disaster.
Frankly, on some days it can be hard enough for us to get all the food to come out of the kitchen at the same time for a simple party of four. Mostly it’s nearly impossible for us to make this happen for parties bigger than eight.
Oddly, our limitations in this regard are exacerbated by one more readily observable universal law: The bigger the party, the bigger the appetite of each person in that party.
Recently we had a table of nine people order seven pizzas, four panini, three Greek salads, and five plates of nachos — easily enough to feed twenty eight.
The orders for everyone else that evening, all those easy to deal with small parties unlucky enough to come in behind the big party, just kept stacking up — way more than usual…. and that might not make sense because overall and in total sales we weren’t any busier than for a normal busy night.
Sadly however, regular arithmetic doesn’t work in our kitchen, it’s trumped by the existence of another relevant universal law: The total length of time it takes to make food for a large number of people that arrive as one group is at least twice as long as the time required to make the same amount of food for the same number of people if those people arrive simultaneously as several smaller unrelated groups.
Anyway, we have now given up trying to time up orders for big parties, we just do the best we can and don’t worry about it. Sometimes for really big parties the first people to get their food are done and ready to leave before the last person in the group even gets her first bite.
That sucks for her. She probably shouldn’t have ordered the gluten free.
Which highlights yet another immutable universal law: The difficulty of meeting a persons dietary needs is directly proportional to the length of time that person will wait for their meal.
I’m sure we’re doomed to see a few more big groups this weekend since we have so much great music lined up and there is so little Summer left.
After all, we’ve got The Shizzle on Friday night for some wicked fun Hip Hop starting around 9:00…. the house is going to be slamma jamma. And Saturday, Robby Simpson, Hell yeah!, is in to close out the week with his awesome music.
Anyway, the calender pages are turning so you had better hurry up and get your big group together and get down here before the mood leaves you.
See you at The Goat where we’ve been just thrilled to serve your large parties since 2004,
PS; The Old Goat Annual Charity Tournament was a big success. A record sixty eight golfers on seventeen teams competed and while drinking more than four hundred and fifty beers were able to raise $2100 for the Pine Tree Camp. Steve Prevost and his Augusta Natural Gas team were victorious just nipping out Ron Demers, Pete Warner, Kevin Curtis, and Joe Richards in a sudden death shoot out after tying at one under for the round.
Congratulations and well done Goatsters!